I'm in the midst of doing one of the most frightening things I've ever done. I'm actively pursuing opportunities to follow my dream. It sounds like that would be a pleasant thing, right?
Well...it is - generally speaking. But it's also damn scary.
I'm putting myself out there, and in order to really make a go of it I'm allowing myself to get my hopes up. (Because that's just how I am - I either get my hopes up or I completely disassociate - there's no middle ground with me. And I don't tend to make as good an impression if I've disassociated from reality. Go figure...) I'm bound to be rejected whenever I put myself out there and it's already happened quite a few times. And yet, like the proverbial rubber ball - I keep bouncing back for more. Because, of course, I only need one person to give me that chance - and someday it will happen.
I'm clearly in a growth period - I'm seeing things in a new light, giving up some unhealthy practices (and thought patterns), and am even starting to like myself for once in my life. (Will wonders never cease...) But I am here to tell you, brothers and sisters, growth is rarely comfortable. Unlike my own children, I never had growing pains in my legs...probably because I stayed pretty short. But I'm having them now. They just aren't located in my legs. They're in my heart. Granted, they are probably growing pains I should have had in my twenties - but better late than never.
So this is actually an ode to my few and faithful female friends (like the alliteration?) plus my one patient husband. All of you have inspired me to finally be myself and follow my dream. One of you followed your own artistic dream and is creating a successful business doing what you love the most. One of you has stuck by my side since I was 18 - you met me during the most horrible year of my life and although you matured much faster than I did - you never deserted me. One of you is a new mom who is the ultimate model of living in perfect joy with your child. And one of you has picked me up more times than I care to count during the last year. My husband obviously knows who he is. I have to say that as much as my girlfriends have dealt with over the years when it comes to my spirit - it's nothing compared to what he's faced. I am a handful but at least his life is never boring...
I have no idea if my latest effort to follow my dreams will succeed - but if it does, I promise that it's because all of you have been standing beside me for years telling me I can do it. I tend to be a wee bit hard-headed. That's probably why it took me so long to get the message. But this time I'm not giving up.