Sunday, October 21, 2012

This, ladies and gentlemen, is all that remains after my family scarfed down 60-freaking-ounces of child-labor chocolate I brought home from Costco a mere seven days ago.

Seven. Days. Ago.

All I can say is that (shockingly enough) I suspect a mere 4-5 ounces made it into my own maw. Even my kids weren't all that bad when it came to putting away the goods. For some strange reason, they remain relatively obedient and generally ask me for permission before indulging in the forbidden pleasure of sugar. 

My husband, on the other hand, has no such qualms. I shouldn't judge. I just finished 1/3 of a bottle of much-too-sweet white wine which required a crapload of Hershey's kisses and Rolos to mask the cheap taste. But I will say that when I went for my first handful I was shocked at how light this bag was after only SEVEN DAYS in our pantry. 

Did my kids sneak candy without my permission? (Duh.) Did I eat more than I'm estimating? (Um.)

Needless to say...I'll need to buy additional candy before Halloween. The replacement candy will remain sealed and in a secret hiding place (my closet...don't tell anyone) until October 31st. My theory is that if I can just avoid opening the cellophane, I'll make it through the season unscathed. Of course, I also believe Republicans and Democrats will eventually stop lobbing hateful slurs at each other, hold hands, and agree to be Americans together - working for a better world. So...I suppose that tells you how dependable my "theories" are.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Costco Candy (Or Why My Husband Shouldn't Travel to San Francisco)

I just bought two big bags/boxes of candy at Costco because my kids wanted them and my husband is on a flight to San Francisco so he wasn't around to say "No way." I reasoned we'd use most of the candy for Halloween, but to be honest, it's still insane I agreed to buy it. I usually keep sugar far from our house. Now we own 100 Tootsie Pops and 60 ounces of Hershey's.

I can't decide whether it was an act of rebellion against his aversion to impulse Costco purchases or whether I was just so shell-shocked about being husband-less for a few days that I didn't care what my kids bought. Either way, it doesn't say much about my ability to handle the tough decisions on my own. Halloween is two weeks away and I swear that bag of chocolate is already whispering my name.

I hate being alone. (Kids don't keep me company. Neither does the dog.) If I had to put up with a traveling husband like some of you, we'd be eating Costco free samples for dinner at least twice a week. And, you know, those brownie bites don't last very long.

Dang, I wish he'd hurry home but he hasn't even landed yet. Maybe next time he should hide the Costco card before he goes.