Thursday, April 30, 2009

Too Tired to Write

I really want to blog. But more than that - I really want to SLEEP. I'm plotting ways in which I can convince my kids to go to bed really early tonight (since it's just me and them) so that I can also hit the hay.

I had already decided that I was going to be the mean mom and keep my daughter from her math pentathlon tournament this Saturday. (Hundreds of kids from around the state, sharing board games just didn't strike me as a particularly great idea this week.) Luckily, the tournament was postponed. Whew. That means I might actually get to sleep until 7 or 7:30 on Saturday morning. Woo-hoo!!!!

So our weekend doesn't seem quite as stressful as it did yesterday. I suppose that's the silver lining of a potential really frees up your schedule.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Logical Jennifer

There are a number of moderately stressful things going on in the world right now so Logical Jennifer is very busy lecturing me inside my head. Luckily (since she is logical - not emotional) - she's not being mean, just repeating various mantras - such as...

-the media likes to blow things out of proportion,
-the flu is often deadly, regardless of the strain,
and of course...
-Life is much too short to allow myself to be paralyzed with fear.

I have to say that I really appreciate good ol' L.J. although I'm not sure how much longer she'll be able to stay on top. My husband is about to leave on a trip with his dad, I'm having trouble keeping up with my kids' schedules, and (assuming I can find a babysitter) I'll be attending a funeral on Saturday for a former co-worker.

So I strongly suspect that Emotional Jennifer will re-emerge sometime within the next 48 hours.

On the upside, however:
- I will be attending an event tomorrow evening to try to hook up with non-profits that need board members
- I organized my daughter's wardrobe (getting rid of winter and outgrown clothes)
AND (last but not least)
- I'm receiving daily compliments about my new hairstyle

So - all is not lost. Anyway - I'm pretty hardheaded so I'll just keep plugging away. Worst case scenario - if I become sick with the flu, just think how much blogging I'll be able to accomplish! I'll probably be the first person to ever develop carpal tunnel syndrome as a complication from the flu.

Monday, April 27, 2009

The truth hurts, baby...

"So many issues, so little time..."

That was my husband's 6 word analysis of me at dinner this evening.

I admit - that is an EXCELLENT analysis of me. However, the truth REALLY hurt him because the two margaritas I'd already inbibed inspired me to give him a VERY serious pinch on his arm. So it's quite true that the truth hurts. It just might hurt the one speaking the truth.

Oh, well - he can just consider himself a prophet.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Exhausted and Facing a Slumber Party

The title of this post pretty much sums it up for me right now.

1. I never sleep well. Never have. It seems to be getting worse - for some reason, I've been increasingly exhausted over the last few months.
2. We had to get up early because my daughter had 2 kickball games in a row first thing this morning.
3. From 1-3 we had her 10 year old bday party at Crenshaw's.
4. Right now, she's upstairs with her cousin and one friend and in about 30 minutes, three other girls will descend upon my house for a slumber party. (Yes, that would be 6 girls in my house tonight. Thank goodness one of those girls has a brother my son's age so he's over at his place for the night.)

I don't think it would be quite so bad if I didn't already feel like I'm about to fall asleep standing up and the evening of craziness has yet to begin. Luckily, as I was having trouble keeping my eyes open a few hours ago, my sweet husband suggested that I lie down for a nap for about 1/2 an hour. It was a stroke of genius. (I'm still tired - but much better than I was.)

Luckily, I was giving out tatoos to the kids as party give-aways and I grabbed a pirate tatoo for myself. I feel much tougher and able to face the onslaught with this on my arm...

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Major Life Goals

In an attempt to stop beating myself up CONSTANTLY (although I am very good at it....), I've decided to blog-i-fy my major life goals. Some of these seem pretty simple and quick and some seem bigger and more difficult. The truth is, however, that ALL of them are big and complex for me or they wouldn't be on my "I need to do this" list.

1. Organize my kids' rooms. Seriously. It is so bad. And I am NOT an organizer so it's really hard for me to know where to begin on this one.
2. Obtain my Certificate in Nonprofit Management. This is a big one for me - I really want this - but I'm not sure yet what the best option is for me in going down that road.
3. Become a member of a non-profit board. I've taken some steps in this direction, but I'm not on a board yet and I think this is really important for me.
4. Take my daughter on a tour of the Ann Richards School for Young Women Leaders. She's not sure she wants to pursue this (you know, she's almost 10 and "all her friends" will be going to the regular middle school). I really want her to do so, but don't believe in forcing these issues. I realize that what I really need to do is take a systemized and organized approach with her and make sure I get out there and expose her to as many options as possible.
5. Regularly do volunteer activities as a family. One of the guys I work with is on the board for Loaves and Fishes. I've heard it's a great activity to do as a family. I think that's where I'll start.

Ok - I've blog-i-fied five items. Now I feel more accountable. Between you, me and this blog - the only one that truly gives me major stress is #1 - organizing my kids' rooms.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Grumpy Mom

My daughter just informed me that I was grumpy. Actually - she implied that I'm grumpy all the time. I did stand up for myself and clarified that, although I'm grumpy right now - I'm NOT grumpy ALL the time.

You've got to admire my kid's ability to tell it like it is. I'm just hoping she holds onto that ability once she's dating in a few years.

Gardening Therapy

I have a confession to make. I do NOT have a green thumb...not by any stretch of the imagination. As a matter of fact, I'm relatively convinced that when plants feel my presence, they cringe in horror. Thank goodness my husband has a real skill with landscaping because if we had to depend upon my (lack of) gardening skills, our yard would be full of rocks and weeds.

He's painting the side of our house today, so I was sent to Home Depot for the paint. As I was waiting for the paint dude to mix it up, I wandered into the garden section and lusted after all the flowers and plants. I couldn't resist. I simply HAD to buy some herbs and various potting paraphernalia. In my perfect life, I would have a great vegetable and herb garden and plenty of time to cook. (Oh - I'd also have a horse.) I have to say that getting dirt under my nails and starting two herb planters felt really great. It's my own little attempt to get back to nature.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

A Fine, Fine Line

Today we saw Avenue Q and I absolutely LOVED that show. All I knew going into it was that it involved puppets and adult material. They had signs all over the place warning people that it had "mature content." (I guess those signs are geared towards the folks who let their kids watch anything on Cartoon Network without worrying about the content of the shows.)

Well, it was definitely adult content. I have to say that I loved every bit of that content and now I have a new favorite Broadway song. (There's A Fine, Fine Line) So that's always a good thing. Who knew that puppets could put on such a great show? Well....I always did love Sesame Street - you know, the classic one...pre-Elmo.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Locks of Love

Today was my Locks of Love day, and I have to say that I am LOVING my new short haircut! I didn't realize how much red I have in my hair until I saw it in the ponytail (you know, OFF my head).

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Some guys have all the luck...

Tomorrow is 80's day at my old workplace. Man.........

I'm aware of this because my husband still works there. It was so much fun to dress up on Halloween, and do all the other fun and goofy social stuff. For a few years, I'd been lobbying my friends on one particular committee (a few committees, actually) to have a "dress like your favorite decade" day. Do they take my idea while I'm still there...nooooooo....they wait until I'm gone. (Poor me....are you feeling sorry for me yet?)

Anyway - if I hadn't left, tomorrow I could be dressing like Cyndi Lauper. Or Madonna. Or Molly Ringwald. (Honestly, Molly is more my style. I saw Pretty in Pink on one of my first dates. We had pizza afterwards, before we called his mom for a ride home.)

Sigh. It's ok though - really. The change was for the best, even without the cool costuming opportunities. I'm much tougher now than I was before and believe in myself much more. Granted - to stay with the 80's theme, that just means that I'm slightly closer to Jennifer Grey than I am to Molly Ringwald. But not much. I'm still not close to the Madonna or Joan Jett league. So when I say I'm 'tougher' you should really take that with a grain of salt.

At any rate, I will be living vicariously through my husband tomorrow as he heads off to 80's-world. And I'll be lucky if I can convince him to put a tie around his head. He really should - it's not like he wears them for any other reason. He might as well be Tom Cruise for a day. Oh - or he could really wear it the right way and he could be Alex from Family Ties!!! That's my suggestion! (Darn....all my brilliance, going to waste in corporate America. It's truly sad.)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I love windows!

Do you remember the saying: Whenever God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window?

Well, it's true. I'm not sure how often I'll need to be hit upside the head to remember this, but hopefully sometime before I'm COMPLETELY grey I'll finally get it. I recently had a bit of a professional let down, thought I was ok about it but it turned out that I needed to mope about it.

...just a little bit of a mope, you understand...
(well - it turned into a slightly moderate-sized-mope)

Finally, a few days ago, it dawns on me that my tendency to never be completely satisfied with anything is not necessarily a bad thing. (You see, I've always assumed it was bad. It sure can cause complications in my life - let me tell you...) So after that, I had about 24 hours of self-acceptance at a level that was previously unattainable.

Hmmmm. It was ever so much nicer than beating myself up.

At any rate (and this is the really cool thing) - a new and exciting professional opportunity showed up. I'm relatively convinced that if I hadn't started to accept myself, I would not have recognized the opportunity.

So - I love windows. And I plan to fling myself right through this one!

Saturday, April 11, 2009


Here I am at the Blue October concert last night. My sis-in-law and I had a good time last night but our ears were ringing by the time we made it to bed and we didn't make it home until midnight!

Originally we'd planned to drink wine coolers and watch Twilight when we got home, but our age caught up with us and we realized we were WAY TOO TIRED to do anything but hit the hay by the time we got home. (Plus, all the liquor stores were closed so we couldn't get wine coolers anyway. Oh, well.)

Here's what I loved about the concert last night: although the music was, as a general rule, pretty intense and angry (liberal use of the "F" word...) - it certainly spoke to my inner emo-goth-chick persona. And it is so cool to see an artist completely put himself out there - all his emotions completely raw. (He's really struggled with depression in the past and is now a new dad...I have to say that he does a great job singing about angst, love, and even joy.) Although this blog is as far as I can go right now...I know that I'm meant to find a way to let myself out artistically. Seeing artists doing just that is very inspiring.

Friday, April 10, 2009

waiting 4 blue oct

Just heard the opening band. We're up close to the stage (I'll be deaf 2morrow). So here's a factoid for u - short + standing room only don't mix. At least I can FEEL the music. It's practically like a massage from the vibrations!

blue october

At blue october concert with sis in law. It is freakin packed here! They haven't even opened the doors and there are a million people. I also feel very old and mom-ish here. Lots of angsty goth youngsters around me. At least I'm wearing my new peace scarf.

In Search of a Mentor

This is a little weird because I'm asking for advice in this posting and MOST of you who read my blog don't respond on my email me about my posts. Which is totally fine. It just feels funny when I post questions and it looks like I have one reader. (Thanks, R!)

So I guess I'm feeding my ego here by pointing out that I know that any advice I get will probably be via email...I want the occassional casual reader to know that I'm not just some loser blogging into space. Although, one could argue that only a loser would point out she's not a loser. Oh - also I'm posting this on my lunch break, not during work. I'm pointing that out so you don't think I'm some loser who's neglecting her job. (I really need to work on not worrying about what people think of me. One of the Four Agreements is to not take things personally. But OBVIOUSLY I still don't have that one covered.)

Here's my question (you knew I'd get to it eventually, right?):
Have any of you ever purposely set out to find a mentor? If so - how did you do it? I really believe I need to do this but right now it feels a bit overwhelming. It's a big task and an important one. And...I really am not sure how to start.

Well - that's not true. I started once before. About a year and a half ago, I reached out to a woman who was the former Executive Director of the local food bank and told her I really would appreciate any advice she could give me about how to position myself so that someday I could become an ED of a non-profit. She seemed surprised but receptive - but because of one thing and another (including me starting this job a year ago) we never made it to lunch. I reach out again to her? I'm tempted to do so.

I'm actually really glad I'm writing this post because as I write it, new ideas are popping into my head. But this task still seems huge - kind of like the psychological tasks I set for myself which never seem to come to fruition. (i.e. - "I need to stop worrying about what people think of me.")

Here's what I know - at every key aspect of my life, I have had a mentor although I didn't realize it at the time. About 10 years ago (almost to the day now) I became a mom for the first time when my daughter was born. I was on the phone with my mom at least 3 times a day, asking for advice about everything from nursing to baby monitors. She was clearly a mentor for me during that period and eventually I got it. I learned how to be a mom (for better or worse) and now I rarely have to ask her for advice (although I strongly suspect that the teenage years will increase my need for advice).

I've never been very focused on my career and never considered myself an ambitious person. That lack of focus/ambition has pretty much disappeared - so this is a new phase of life for me. I'm reasonably sure that the key thing is for me to just put myself out there and ask for help. Oh, and apparently I need to be slightly annoying also. Which is good because I'm REALLY good at that.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Holy Week

It is Holy Week. I am, therefore, compelled to blog about it for my own theological edification. As my loyal readers, you get to go along for the ride. Lucky you!

Easter represents a bit of a conundrum for me. From a purely intellectual/theological perspective, I have a hard time celebrating the death of Jesus. I was raised by two very awesome parents who had very unconventional views about traditional church beliefs. Those beliefs have rubbed off on me. As a result, I really don't buy into the idea that the murder of Jesus had to happen or that my salvation is dependent upon that murder. (I know that this is really heretical and I PROMISE I'm not writing this to be inflammatory so if you hate what I'm saying, please don't flame me - just stop reading...ok?)

What it comes down to is that I have a much easier time celebrating a BIRTH (Christmas) than a murder (Easter) - note that I didn't say "death" because I think that death can be celebrated in the right instance, as a closing of the cycle of life...etc....but what happened to Jesus was plain old murder.

Having said all of that (and bear in mind that my intellectual/theological side wrote the previous two paragraphs) - from an emotional/spiritual perspective - I LOVE EASTER. Almost every year I observe Lent and I get a lot out of this season spiritually. I truly feel a sense of renewal and am able to focus on my own inner growth more than at any other time of the year.

Weird, huh? It's almost as if my intellect and spirituality are not really on the same plane about Easter. When it gets right down to it, that's probably true in a lot of areas and the best thing for me to do is to just accept that's the way it is, follow my heart and my spirit, and (as I plan to do tonight) attend Maundy Thursday services. So I'm really looking forward to partaking in the Lord's Supper tonight and I've decided that I'm going to stop trying to figure out WHY that is and just take some time to reflect and listen.

Monday, April 6, 2009


Do you know what is SO much fun? (And, trust me....I had no idea it was this much fun or I would have done it a long time ago...) Here's what you've got to do: sit in the middle of the living room while you play Go Fish according to the rules remembered by your Kindergartner (fair warning: you WILL be compelled to look online for the true rules) and put your hamster in her hamster-ball to roll around between the four of you as you play cards.

It was really great.

Although I've NEVER been a fan of games, I guess there is something to be said about family game night. Makes me look forward to my kids' excitement when they find out that the Easter Bunny will be bringing them the Sponge Bob Square Pants version of Operation. In my family of origin, our standard game was Uno...any other suggestions out there? Please feel free to make them. I'm sort of picky about games but if there are some good suggestions, I'd love to know.

Sunday, April 5, 2009


So...apparently I don't know what to do with myself if I'm not planning a vacation.

I'm still going to the Tour Guide Mike site every day - even though our WDW vacation is over. What's up with that? Granted, the next thing on our plate is a Disney Cruise. I've read enough about those to be totally pumped about them. But it's not like we have an actual date for I can't totally do my normal obsessive planning.

My husband and I are planning to go to San Francisco. (Finally!!!) We've planned this before and it didn't work out but darn it...this time WE'RE GOING in September or October. (I'm sort of hoping for a birthday trip, myself.) We also have a few other little things - such as my 20th high school reunion this summer (thank you very much) and hopefully a day trip to Houston to see Phantom.

It's not quite the same as planning for Disney but I suppose it will have to do.

Thursday, April 2, 2009


I'm sure those of you who know me are rather intrigued by the title of this post because "anger" is a feeling that I do my darndest to keep well in check. ("Anger? What's that?") As a matter of fact, a regular theme of therapists who attempt (unsuccessfully, I might add) to de-wacki-fy me is the auld lang syne of: "You are not in touch with your anger. You should be angry about that. How do you REALLY feel???"

To which I non-committedly reply: "Hmmm.......I see....."

Great emotional progress is made, I'm sure you can imagine.

And yet...I digress....

The actual point of this posting (and, yes - I do have a point) is to discuss the fact that within just a few hours this evening, I felt extreme (arguably irrational) anger. It's rather interesting, when you consider my normal approach to life. The first incident happened when I remembered a time (in a previous job) when an agent who stood to make a hefty commission (and did, I'm sure, end up earning a huge one) TOTALLY didn't do his job and I had to do it for him. It really, really, really annoyed me. It was weird - I saw a sign about that company and just emotionally WENT OFF about that incident. I tried to make a joke about it - pointed out to my husband that I guess I wasn't really over that situation...but the level of my anger really surprised me.

The second incident happened just a few hours later, when I found out that even after I'd had a long conversation with a mail order pharmacy and correctly filled out an order form THEY STILL MESSED UP MY PRESCRIPTION. I wasn't livid until I couldn't get anyone to answer the phone (although they were open - I was just on hold for all eternity) and I also couldn't get their website to work. Emotionally, I just went over the edge.

Now - to put all of this in context without going into detail...there have been a few things in my life which might anger the average woman. Those obvious issues, however, don't elicit anger. Really - I have to admit that my sense of perspective might be a bit off...

I know that I have a big problem with injustice... I guess a certain friend of mine might even be compelled to point out that it's because I'm a Libra that I feel so justice-oriented.

Maybe so.

All I know is that I apparently have a MAJOR ISSUE with people who only care about commissions but don't care about doing a good job and I also have problems with sloppy mail-order pharmacies. Where's that kickboxing class when I really need it?