It's really rather biblical - you know - "set down your fishing nets and follow me."
For months I've said that my role is to follow someone like that - that I could never do it myself. Perhaps that's true, but mostly because I'm not certain enough about finding ONLY ONE true calling for myself. (I don't know what non-profit I'd start that doesn't already exist.) That's not the only reason, however. I'm half of our family's income, and although I plan to make less when I (FINALLY) find my true professional calling, there is a limit to how low I can go. These are the times when I do regret that when I was young and independent, I failed to go off to live in an inner city and work for the poor. I could have done it then. I didn't have kids who needed stability and a mortgage.
But is that really just a cop out? There have been many people who have followed their heart, shunning financial security, and even taking their family with them on their missions.
Right now that doesn't seem right for me but when I'm completely honest with myself, I fear that the reason it's not right is because maybe I'm STILL not listening to my true calling. I think I'm like the rich man in the New Testament parable. He asked Jesus how to get to the kingdom of heaven (i.e. - in my interpretation, find true love and joy in life) but was unable to bring himself to sell all his worldly goods and give the money to the poor. He left sadly - unable to follow his heart.
I don't want to be like that. How do I completely open myself up to the truth? The only way is to risk hearing a command that might undermine my security. If it just affected me, that would be one thing - but how can I risk the security of my family?