Thursday, July 19, 2012

Emilie

Here's my second attempt at Friday Fictioneering...thanks once again to Madison Woods for this brilliant exercise! (I forgot to mention this last time, but comments and criticism are welcome.)

Emilie settled herself on the hill, pulled out a notebook, and peered through the foliage.

There was nothing to see, but Emilie didn’t doubt the report. This spy was never wrong. As she sharpened her pencil, she could almost hear André's criticism. "You are putting all of us at risk by using pen and paper!" Emilie shrugged defiantly. Before la résistance, she was a bookkeeper. Recording details on paper was as natural to her as breathing. What was the harm? She planned to burn her notes in André's kitchen later that evening.

The soldiers entered the valley at precisely three o'clock. Emilie began to count grey uniforms.

The ninth soldier in line jerked an old man forward, forcing him to kneel. As the other soldiers raised their rifles, Emilie forgot la résistance and even forgot André. Her scream reverberated across the valley. "Grand-père!"

18 comments:

Randy Mazie said...

Wow. Great story. Randy

janet said...

I agree with Randy. You got a lifetime's worth of emotion in 100 words.

billgncs said...

Nicely told, this reminds me of a non fiction book by Leo Marks "Between Silk and Cyanide" about the English and the agents they sent into France during WWII.

Carrie said...

Had to keep quiet when family is in danger. Nice ending

Linda Parkinson-Hardman said...

There are always things that are more important that loyalty to a cause and your 'heroine' demonstrated this beautifully; the only problem was that she failed to heed the warning of someone more experience and thought she knew best. Nicely observed :-)

writersclubkl said...

Great story!

Sandra Crook said...

A good idea to put a French perspective on the prompt. I enjoyed this, and you included quite a lot in a few words. Nicely done.

http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/07/19/triple-exposure-friday-fictioneers-july-2012/

Sandra Crook said...

Good idea to put a French perspective on this, and you included a lot in a 100 word flash. Nicely done.

Sandra Crook said...

This is the third time I've tried to leave a comment and the security check keeps chucking me out. My comment gets shorter each time! :)

Nice work-enjoyed French perspective and all you encompassed in a short piece.

elmowrites said...

Interesting take, Jennifer. You feed us a lot of details about your heroine in just a few words. I'm not sure she'll do well after that scream though - sometimes it's best to keep quiet!
Your use of French for "la resistance" pulled me up a bit - personally, I'd make a short story like this more timeless by just saying "the resistance" as the rest of the piece is in English (leaving just the scream to be french) but that's just me.

Adam Ickes said...

Thoroughly enjoyed this. I find myself curious as to what happened next.

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields said...

I loved the history. Nicely done. You did a good job of building the tension.
mine's at www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/07/bittersweet.html

Maggie said...

Very nice walk through history. And this "little spy" wasn't trained very well. You've captured her attitude and the time and environment perfectly.

Here's mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/asylum/

Silently Heard said...

Love the imagery and idea. This will make a great longer short story.
Here's mine if you're intrested.

http://silentlyheardonce.wordpress.com/2012/07/19/the-fridayfictioneers/

manoftheword said...

nicely done

Susan Wenzel said...

This is the first time I've visited your blog and am glad I did. What a great story. I like the French touch...when we think of wine, and vines, and grapes...we often think of the French. Well played!

~Susan (www.susanwenzel.com)

SAM said...

So much emotion is so few words. You got me all choked up at the end, It was crafted well, engaging, and i want to know more about Emilie. Well done!!

Mine's here: http://frommywriteside.wordpress.com/2012/07/19/the-hunted/

rich said...

uh oh. now she's done it. she's next.