I've signed into my blog a few times in the last week and have just stared at the "new post" screen - unsure of what I wanted to say. Finally, tonight, I decided to pull myself together and put something on paper (so to speak...technically there's no paper involved....).
I began to wonder what I was avoiding because if I ever don't want to write, it's a clear sign that I'm avoiding an issue. To say that I'm feeling overwhelmed is the understatement of the century. There are all of these choices - all of these decisions to be made. Many of them don't seem that significant, at first glance, but the aggregation of the choices I'm having to make is blowing my mind.
I know, I know - I'm making it sound as if the fate of Western Civilization rests with my next decision when, really, I'm wondering what I'm going to get my father-in-law for his birthday and when I'm going to make it to the grocery store to purchase fresh herbs for my cornbread stuffing.
Plus, I CONSTANTLY worry that I'm not giving my children what they need.
I'm starting to get to a point where every decision, no matter how minuscule, becomes this crossroads in my mind. Perhaps A Prayer for Owen Meaney is starting to rub off on me....I'm starting to think that everything means something and I'm concerned about making the wrong choice. You know, worried that the one time I really do hit the baseball out of the park, I'll end up taking someone out with it. (Sorry to those of you who haven't read the book....I'm sure that reference escaped you.)
That's the word that is circling in my mind right now - it's all I can do for myself. Just bit by bit that's what I'll do. It will involve saying "no" more often than I'd like this holiday season, but I need to remember that by doing that - I'm saying "yes" to my kids and to me.
So....yes to me. Yes to me. Wow. That really sounds weird.