This, ladies and gentlemen, is all that remains after my family scarfed down 60-freaking-ounces of child-labor chocolate I brought home from Costco a mere seven days ago.

Seven. Days. Ago.

All I can say is that (shockingly enough) I suspect a mere 4-5 ounces made it into my own maw. Even my kids weren't all that bad when it came to putting away the goods. For some strange reason, they remain relatively obedient and generally ask me for permission before indulging in the forbidden pleasure of sugar. 

My husband, on the other hand, has no such qualms. I shouldn't judge. I just finished 1/3 of a bottle of much-too-sweet white wine which required a crapload of Hershey's kisses and Rolos to mask the cheap taste. But I will say that when I went for my first handful I was shocked at how light this bag was after only SEVEN DAYS in our pantry. 

Did my kids sneak candy without my permission? (Duh.) Did I eat more than I'm estimating? (Um.)

Needless to say...I'll need to buy additional candy before Halloween. The replacement candy will remain sealed and in a secret hiding place (my closet...don't tell anyone) until October 31st. My theory is that if I can just avoid opening the cellophane, I'll make it through the season unscathed. Of course, I also believe Republicans and Democrats will eventually stop lobbing hateful slurs at each other, hold hands, and agree to be Americans together - working for a better world. So...I suppose that tells you how dependable my "theories" are.