Friday, September 14, 2012

Truth

spider web

I'm tackling Friday Fiction again. It's stunning how much of an effort it is for me to just WRITE. The negative voices have been on a rampage inside my head lately. I wrote something in my novel every day last week, then this week - ZIPPO. It's as if the inner critic decided I was getting too full of myself and needed to be taken down a peg. So...no novel writing this week but at least I tackled Madison Wood's fabulous project. To see some awesome 100 word interpretations on the picture above, check out this site. Oh - to my fellow writers - I welcome constructive criticism. (Hmmm. Perhaps I should define "constructive criticism" for my inner critic. All of you seem to get it...)

Truth

Sara's entire career centered around the craft of finding perfect words for difficult situations. But as she sat on the bed with Alan, her words sounded trite and stilted. Pointless. She was essentially monosyllabic and completely unconvincing. She failed to communicate with her husband just as completely as she'd failed to hide her duplicity.

Alan's jaw twitched. "I'm finished," he whispered "with this mess."

"Wait...you don't understand..."

"Oh  yes I do, Sara. Your web unraveled, didn't it?"

12 comments:

notforallmarkets said...

OOOOOO -- good stuff! And yes, I know what you mean about the voice -- we've named that, too, it's the Jabberwall in our house! Nasty thing. So glad you cracked it for today's prompt!

Dee said...

Great story, really enjoyed your take on the prompt this week
Dee

Anonymous said...

Hi Jenn,
Thought it was a good contradictory moment, a word person who couldn't get the words right. All writers know this frustration. Good writing for your audience. Ron

Trudy said...

I like your take on the prompt, the uncovering of a web of deceit. I enjoyed reading it.
One point, I would say that the break after "I'm finished" works, but then you add , "with this mess" which doesn't flow as well.
Otherwise, an enticing read, makes you think about what she's done and the lies she's told.

JennInAustin said...

I see your point Trudy! Love getting feedback. I'd originally written "finished with your tangled web..." didn't like that, so replaced it with mess....but then didn't take it out when I put web at the end. :) I actually enjoy getting to analyze the process I took so thanks. And thanks for reading...

Megan Willome said...

Ooh. Just change the names and this could have been a scene in "Gone Girl" (which, I must confess, I kind of hated, but I also can't get it out of my mind).

janet said...

I think you did an excellent job of depicting the difficulty of sometime using words correctly or to achieve a purpose, even for a wordsmith. Perhaps the duplicity had something to do with it. I agree that his first sentence would be better crafted with all the conversation together. I'm not sure he would whisper, but who knows? Glad you worked through your writing difficulty. Keep at it!

billgncs said...

well done --

have known those negative voices, they can be overcome, you can do it.

Anonymous said...

"I'm finished," he whispered "with this mess."

why the interrupted quote? why not put "he whispered" at the end or beginning?

Antonia Fenton said...

Well done. You do get the sense of her duplicity completely unravelling - even though we know nothing at all of the situation. Well done.

Antonia Fenton said...

Well done. You really do get the sense of her duplicity completely unravelling - despite not having the first idea of what the situation is.

Douglas MacIlroy said...

This writing that you did this week should put the inner critic in her place. Good story, well woven.

Re your novel. Don't ever stop. It's bound to be good.

And, lastly, the lines, "I'm finished...with this mess," remind me so much of how I feel when i have to "prove I'm not a robot". Please make the switch, onerous as it may be, to WordPress and spare us what I am about to slog through in order to comment.

Aloha,

Doug