I did something new today - I cleaned some windows inside and out. For the most part, it was a reasonably satisfying experience (other than the fact that I murdered some mother spiders and their young, causing me MAJOR Charlotte's Web angst...but that's a topic for another post). The cleaned windows look lovely - which one would expect since (as mentioned above) I've never done them before.
But...and here's the rub... the undone windows suddenly look crummy. They stick out like sore thumbs against the shiny, sparkly windows. So was it worth it for me to do all that work if the improvements made the faults all the more obvious?
That's a question for the ages, ain't it?
It applies to more in my life than just windows, by the way. I've been doing a lot better as a mom and wife lately but the new, more positive attitude simply emphasizes (in my mind) the prior years when my attitude just plain sucked. Ditto for my new running regimen. I'm building myself up (slowly but surely) for my first 5K in September. Although my "running" is really a rather ungraceful jog, it's a lot more than I've ever accomplished before and I'm starting to believe it's entirely possible that I'll pull off a 5K without walking. I'm already eyeing a 10K and half marathon a year from now. For anyone who is reasonably familiar with me - you know that's just crazy talk.
I suppose that's why a lot of us avoid self-improvement of any kind. We sometimes fear really going after our goals, because if we're able to do it (whatever "it" is) without too much strain, we've proven we could have been doing it all along.
And don't we hate it when our convenient excuses fly out the window like birds from a....well...I've got nothin'. I was hunting for an artistic and apropos metaphor but it wasn't meant to be.
Even without the perfect metaphor, I've decided that it was TOTALLY worth it for me to tackle some, but not all, of my windows. If I don't start somewhere, I'll never get anywhere. And...truth be told...I'm rather proud of my small but significant steps. Granted, I was compelled to get credit for the darn windows. (Not only did I blog about it and post it as my Facebook status, but I made a point to tell my husband I washed them. News flash: I'm overly needy.)
It's probably the same analysis when it comes to me as a wife and mom. Do I wish I'd had my act together before now? Yes. But my past history of wandering aimlessly in circles doesn't negate the fact that I'm on the right path now.
Ah. There's my metaphor. I knew I'd find it.