Letting Go

It's been SUCH a long time since I've posted. I know. I'd claim that I was trying to be coy and unattainable...but that would imply that I actually had readers.

Hee, hee.

It's ok. I'm self-absorbed enough to re-read my postings three times before hitting the "Publish Post" button...so I figure that counts as at least two additional followers.

I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat, wondering what profoundly intense and dynamic event inspired me to post. (Other than the obvious combination of 63% dark chocolate and Tullamore Irish Whiskey...) Get this - it was a presentation by the CFO of my school district.

Wild, right?

She was actually pretty darn good and for some reason, I was - for the first time - VERY drawn into the whole school finance issue. I'm still trying to figure out if it was a generational connection or if I finally passed some intellectual marker which allowed me to make conceptual leaps which previously alluded my emotion-addled brain.

Regardless...

Her point (which is obvious but is one most of us spend our lives trying to avoid) is that everything in life requires choices. These choices are never easy if what you seek is worth anything at all.

To put it in terms a second grade boy might understand: If you REALLY want to have enough money to buy the $100 Millennium Falcon Lego set, then you will have to pass on a lot of $20 semi-o.k. Lego sets.

To put it in terms of a sixth grade girl: If you REALLY want to be popular, you'll have to treat some people like crap and pretend to be someone you're not.

And...to put it in terms their mom might understand: If you REALLY want to follow your heart, then you might actually have to listen to it instead of drowning it out with the buzz of your busy life.

Of course, she didn't use those examples. She focused on practical examples relating to facilities, extra-curricular programs, and social security. And yet, in spite of the numerical emphasis of the presentation - the message resonated with me. I can't do it all and I can't give it all. 

It all begs the question: what will I give to others and what will I release from my expectations?

Try this question on for size - what will I give up? What will I NOT give up?

Once you hear your own honest answer, your future begins to take focus - and I'll bet money on the prediction that you'll also hug your family just a little bit tighter.

Let the rain come down....make a brand new ground

Tropical Storm Hermine is drenching us today and the rain matched my morning mood. To be fair, I don't think the mood will be leaving me anytime soon because it hasn't had it's way with me yet. Do you ever have those days when you realize something about yourself and it's not enlightening, it's just exhausting?

Because after the big realization, you've got to deal with the truth about yourself.

Especially on a rainy day, it can just make a girl so tired. I'm at the end of my lunch break right now, listening to Sara B's new album - specifically the song "Let The Rain." The first few lines sort of sum it up for me (so thank goodness I could finally buy it today)...

I wish I were pretty, I wish I were brave. If I owned this city, then I'd make it behave. And if I were fearless then I'd speak my truth and the world would hear this. That's what I wish I'd do.

The truth. Sometimes it's just too much.

Best Day

The mountains were wonderful (it's moderately difficult to be back in the Texas heat, but great to be home) and one day up in Crested Butte - I found myself thinking that it was, quite possibly, one of the best days of my life. Sitting here at home, with the smell of freshly baked Reeses Pieces cookies in the background, waiting for my son to return from a laser tag birthday party, I'm not sure if all of my best vacation memories are from just one day (I doubt they are) but they blur together happily and I realize they all have one thing in common - the four of us were together, laughing or enjoying a new experience.

We took a trail ride- just the four of us, through the Gunnison national forest. I've honestly never seen anything so beautiful in my life and as I rode through the aspen, I felt closer to God than I had in a long time. I admitted that to my daughter later. She raised her eyebrows at me, agreed that it sounded kind of corny, but then told me she knew exactly how I felt.

We wondered around a farmer's market on a beautiful sunny day. The kids and I got henna tattoos as I wore a daisy in my hair. Later that day, I listed to John Denver as I drank in the mountain air. (Nothing takes me back to the happy days of my childhood like John Denver. I must admit, however, that I still sometimes picture him with the Muppets when I hear him sing. He was my favorite guest star.)

We took our horse guide's advice, and ate pizza at The Secret Stash. The food was fabulous (pizza with figs, prosciutto and truffle oil) but the ambiance was even better. We sat on cushions in an attic decorated like something out of Tibet, complete with tapestries of Ganesh and Shiva (I think those were the devas and devis I recognized...but I'm no expert) and listed to the best ever hippie music playing over the speakers. We had so much fun -  it was truly one of those hours I want to remember forever.

The four corners of our family connected at each of these moments. We have seven more years under the same roof and I want more hilarity, more beauty, more connection. More "best days."