Top Ten Funny/Crazy/Goofy Things That Happened in the Last Year:
10. I turned 39.
9. My son beat me in arm wrestling, which means that I now officially have the wimpiest arms in our family.
8. I started cleaning the house...sort of....and realized that I enjoyed it....kind of...sometimes.
7. I sewed myself a skirt. Which is, now that I think about it, a blog topic in and of itself. It's the ultimate proof that mothering soaks into your system, even if it takes decades to reapper. (My mom was always an incredible seamstress - apparently I learned some things after all.)
6. I tried to organize my life by creating daily lists. I'm still finding old lists in odd cubbyholes and nooks in my purse, car and linen closet (don't ask).
5. I found that the lost lists weren't really helping me....so, in my stubborness, I just made more lists. I realized that if I wrote something down enough, I'd eventually do it.
4. Ramona and Beezus became one of my favorite movies of all time. I cried like a baby both times I saw it and appreciated the fact that my family didn't make me walk five steps behind them when we left the theater and I was still making those weird little hiccup noises and wiping my nose on my sleeve.
3. I became the mom of a middle school girl and was initiated into that head spinning feeling you get when your pre-teen looks at you the same way you used to look at your own mom. (You know, like when she would try to talk to you about s-e-x...awkward.....)
2. I went to work half-time and filled all my "free" time with kids' activities as if volunteering for school, scouting, and church was some kind of Olympic event and I'm in the final push before the trials. That would all be fine if it wasn't for the fact that I tend to inadvertently promise that I'll be in two places at one time. I still haven't figured out how to accomplish teleportation so that's been a minor issue - especially since I dumped my Blackberry, which used to keep me on schedule back in the day...
1. Number one is a placeholder for all the things I've forgotten, but will jump back into my mind when I'm driving my daughter to theater rehearsal, reading Harry Potter to my son, or washing my hair with hotel shampoo and wondering when I'm going to get the guts up to buy the $90 shampoo/conditioner set I want from Sephora.
Thanks, M, for pointing out that my posts have been focused on my angst. I'll always have it - it's part of me - but it was a lot of fun to remind myself about the goofiness.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Thirty-Nine
On Tuesday, I turned 39. Interestingly, I found myself wishing it was my 40th - but that's because I'm secretly convinced that I'll have it all figured out personally, professionally and physically by this time next year.
It's a rather tall order but I'm determined to do it - and here's my plan...
Instead of changing a bunch of stuff about me, I'm going to begin accepting as much as I possibly can. Only if I find something completely unacceptable will I attempt to change it.
For example, instead of thinking that I'm only going to accept a crazy-skinny size for my body, I'm going to ACCEPT the fact that I'm probably meant to be a size 6/8 and I should just be focusing on finding some kind of movement I can enjoy every day.
Easier said than done, but I've got a year. I'm thinking I'll have more energy for the important things in life if I stop expending it on self-critical behavior and ask: "Can I accept this about myself? Or do I really want to change it?"
Most of the acceptance needs to come in the personal area of my life. My personality isn't going to change. I'm always going to be very sensitive, very emotional, and I'm also going to need a WHOLE lot of love and tenderness. There you go. Not a whole lot I can do about it so I might as well stop wishing that I could be a tough-as-nails woman who needs nothin' from no-one because it ain't gonna happen.
Funny. I'm smiling as I write this - this radical "self-acceptance" concept is incredibly liberating. I think it's going to be a good thing.
It's a rather tall order but I'm determined to do it - and here's my plan...
Instead of changing a bunch of stuff about me, I'm going to begin accepting as much as I possibly can. Only if I find something completely unacceptable will I attempt to change it.
For example, instead of thinking that I'm only going to accept a crazy-skinny size for my body, I'm going to ACCEPT the fact that I'm probably meant to be a size 6/8 and I should just be focusing on finding some kind of movement I can enjoy every day.
Easier said than done, but I've got a year. I'm thinking I'll have more energy for the important things in life if I stop expending it on self-critical behavior and ask: "Can I accept this about myself? Or do I really want to change it?"
Most of the acceptance needs to come in the personal area of my life. My personality isn't going to change. I'm always going to be very sensitive, very emotional, and I'm also going to need a WHOLE lot of love and tenderness. There you go. Not a whole lot I can do about it so I might as well stop wishing that I could be a tough-as-nails woman who needs nothin' from no-one because it ain't gonna happen.
Funny. I'm smiling as I write this - this radical "self-acceptance" concept is incredibly liberating. I think it's going to be a good thing.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Letting Go
It's been SUCH a long time since I've posted. I know. I'd claim that I was trying to be coy and unattainable...but that would imply that I actually had readers.
Hee, hee.
It's ok. I'm self-absorbed enough to re-read my postings three times before hitting the "Publish Post" button...so I figure that counts as at least two additional followers.
I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat, wondering what profoundly intense and dynamic event inspired me to post. (Other than the obvious combination of 63% dark chocolate and Tullamore Irish Whiskey...) Get this - it was a presentation by the CFO of my school district.
Wild, right?
She was actually pretty darn good and for some reason, I was - for the first time - VERY drawn into the whole school finance issue. I'm still trying to figure out if it was a generational connection or if I finally passed some intellectual marker which allowed me to make conceptual leaps which previously alluded my emotion-addled brain.
Regardless...
Her point (which is obvious but is one most of us spend our lives trying to avoid) is that everything in life requires choices. These choices are never easy if what you seek is worth anything at all.
To put it in terms a second grade boy might understand: If you REALLY want to have enough money to buy the $100 Millennium Falcon Lego set, then you will have to pass on a lot of $20 semi-o.k. Lego sets.
To put it in terms of a sixth grade girl: If you REALLY want to be popular, you'll have to treat some people like crap and pretend to be someone you're not.
And...to put it in terms their mom might understand: If you REALLY want to follow your heart, then you might actually have to listen to it instead of drowning it out with the buzz of your busy life.
Of course, she didn't use those examples. She focused on practical examples relating to facilities, extra-curricular programs, and social security. And yet, in spite of the numerical emphasis of the presentation - the message resonated with me. I can't do it all and I can't give it all.
It all begs the question: what will I give to others and what will I release from my expectations?
Try this question on for size - what will I give up? What will I NOT give up?
Once you hear your own honest answer, your future begins to take focus - and I'll bet money on the prediction that you'll also hug your family just a little bit tighter.
Hee, hee.
It's ok. I'm self-absorbed enough to re-read my postings three times before hitting the "Publish Post" button...so I figure that counts as at least two additional followers.
I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat, wondering what profoundly intense and dynamic event inspired me to post. (Other than the obvious combination of 63% dark chocolate and Tullamore Irish Whiskey...) Get this - it was a presentation by the CFO of my school district.
Wild, right?
She was actually pretty darn good and for some reason, I was - for the first time - VERY drawn into the whole school finance issue. I'm still trying to figure out if it was a generational connection or if I finally passed some intellectual marker which allowed me to make conceptual leaps which previously alluded my emotion-addled brain.
Regardless...
Her point (which is obvious but is one most of us spend our lives trying to avoid) is that everything in life requires choices. These choices are never easy if what you seek is worth anything at all.
To put it in terms a second grade boy might understand: If you REALLY want to have enough money to buy the $100 Millennium Falcon Lego set, then you will have to pass on a lot of $20 semi-o.k. Lego sets.
To put it in terms of a sixth grade girl: If you REALLY want to be popular, you'll have to treat some people like crap and pretend to be someone you're not.
And...to put it in terms their mom might understand: If you REALLY want to follow your heart, then you might actually have to listen to it instead of drowning it out with the buzz of your busy life.
Of course, she didn't use those examples. She focused on practical examples relating to facilities, extra-curricular programs, and social security. And yet, in spite of the numerical emphasis of the presentation - the message resonated with me. I can't do it all and I can't give it all.
It all begs the question: what will I give to others and what will I release from my expectations?
Try this question on for size - what will I give up? What will I NOT give up?
Once you hear your own honest answer, your future begins to take focus - and I'll bet money on the prediction that you'll also hug your family just a little bit tighter.
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