Lucky Clovers

Austin is exceptionally green and lovely this week. As a drought-stricken Texan, my eyes aren't used to all the color so I keep stopping mid-walk just to stare at the green. A few days ago, I noticed that the ground is simply covered in clover...especially under the trees.

I took the picture on the left Wednesday morning before work as I searched and searched for a four-leaf clover because I wanted some luck.

Boy, how I wanted a lucky clover. But it wasn't meant to be.

Today I needed a break from the office, so I walked around the parking lot, thinking it was going to be a pretty poor Lenten walk. As it turned out, it was one of the best ever. I came across a small patch of clover in the shade way out in the far reaches of the lot. I sat down, listened to the birds, and searched diligently for a four-leaf clover. I was so drained emotionally that I wasn't thinking very clearly and for a few minutes, my search became almost desparate...I was pinning all my hopes on the elusive clover.

I know what you're thinking. The clover in the picture on the right is NOT a four-leaf clover. That's because I never found one, but I found something even better. An insight into the Truth.

As I sat on the ground, staring intently into a clover cluster (and studiously ignoring the few co-workers who parked in BFE and wondered what I was doing) I swear I heard a voice in my mind say: "There are tons of three-leaf clovers right in front of you. Scads of them, AND they're quite pretty. Why don't you make your own luck with what you have instead of waiting around for one magic clover or wasting your time looking for it?"

Wow. It was one of those moments in your life when you really need a great soundtrack playing in the background. Freaking profound.

I know. You think I sat around and tried to think of a pithy story to convey a point with this posting. Think that if you must, but I promise that one minute I was anxiously looking for a four-leaf clover and the next minute, I was walking away with a three-leaf clover in my hand, counting off all the amazing things I have in my life right now that will enable me to complete my novel successfully. It's an impressive list: Great husband, kids who believe in me, a steady part-time job, a good headshot, and crazy-wild-looking arugula plants growing in my backyard. (I'm not sure why, but the arugula seems relevant...so yeah, I have issues.)

Maybe it was my guardian angel, or the goddess of writers, or just my long-neglected subconscious...but someone reminded me today that I have everything I need right in front of me and there's no reason to search for anything else.

Update on the Lenten Walks

I'm almost a week into Lent and the daily walks are just what the doctor (or priest, as the case may be) ordered. On two different days, my outside walks were mere walks around the block but they weren't any less helpful than the two days I took a legitimate hike in the woods. (Well, I was as close as a girl can get to the "woods" in North Austin.)

I find myself craving the walks and looking at my calendar for an extra 15 minutes so that I can escape into nature (even if nature inlcudes a sidewalk and construction noise). Some days, like today, it's exceptionally difficult to find that time before the sun sets... but so far I've kept my commitment.

Yesterday, I suddenly found myself very blue for no reason at all. It washed over me and tried to drag me down. All of a sudden I proclaimed: "I'm going out for a walk." I walked a different path than the one I usually take in my neighborhood and could actually hear inner-Jenn coaching me and asking me what I wanted from life. By the time I arrived home, I'd found peace and even a little clarity about my goals.

None of this can be solved overnight. I've spent years overburdening myself with activities and adventures meant to serve as distractions to my true purpose. Now that I have very little time to pursue my true purpose, I'm frustrated and drained of energy.

And yet, I am certain that by placing one foot in front of the other, I will arrive at my goal. My job during these walks is to breathe, listen, and "be still" as the Psalmist advised - so that I will know the Truth.

Psalm 46:10

Deep Dark Funk and the Lenten Cure

I've been teetering on the edge of a deep, dark funk for a few weeks now. I'm discouraged about my novel, I'm bummed about my "career," and when I looked for a date evening with my husband I had to put it on the calendar two weeks in the future because of our insane schedule. These DDFs do arise, of course, and they are (mercifully) transitory phenomenon. I remind myself of this very Buddhist fact every day (all is transitory), but it's not helping me much.

I feel very called to observe Lent this season, and I want to feel better. I started wondering what I should do. Write everyday? Hmmm. No - hopefully I'll do that anyway but that's not supposed to be my Lenten observance.

Give up meat? No - I'll avoid it as much as I can but I don't think that's supposed to be my observance either.

My boss forbade me from ever trying to give up caffeine again after I did it years ago and was walking into walls and going home early with a migraine every day. She has a point. Caffeine stays in my life during Lent.

As I was driving home for lunch it dawned on me that this year for Lent, I'm called to walk outside every single day. (This could be tricky if the rain keeps coming, but I'm not made of sugar. I won't melt.) I need to clear my mind, reconnect with God, and listen to guidance about my career and my novel.

And who says this has to start on Ash Wednesday? I'll start this afternoon. No time like the present to pull myself out of a DDF.