Sweet Hugs to Remember

Tonight my daughter had a kickball game and my husband captured this sweet picture when my son came up behind me to give me a hug. Whenever he's 16 years old, someone needs to remind me to come back and look at this picture.

Understanding Family Dynamics Through Pottery

One Saturday in May, all four of us went to a local pottery studio for a family class. It dawned on me yesterday evening that each of our creations says a lot about the family member whose hands shaped the piece.

My seven-year-old son crafted this toad house. You don't get the full effect of the details from this snapshot. The back is covered in extra layers and various appendages which are, I strongly suspect, machine gun turrets. Because, of course, one never knows when a toad might be attacked in his or her own home.

This is my daughter's toad house. I think the big open doorway and skylight reflect her open personality (ok, ok - maybe I'm projecting) and it's hard to tell but there are these cute little traditional four-pane windows on the side. She also wrote "occupied" on the door frame.

I could go on and on with the psychoanalysis of my husband's bowl, but I'll try to control myself. He spent a lot of time cutting perfect strips of clay - all of them exactly the same width. I love the way it's perfectly straight on the outside but the inside seems to flow like water. Note that the stronger statement is on the outside and the softer statement is on the inside of the piece...hmmm....shall we take a look at mine now?

You're going to have to take my word on this (because it's not obvious from the picture) but my pottery is sort of inside out. The studio had these nifty stamps and I was drawn to one resembling a Native American sunburst design. I originally planned to stamp all around the outside of my planter but I couldn't get enough pressure. My stamp marks looked weak and unimpressive on the outside. So....I started stamping on the inside. That worked a lot better because I was able to get more pressure that way. The stronger statement of my piece is, therefore, on the INSIDE - the outside needs more strength and definition. (I won't even discuss the notable distinction that my creation is all white. That's one for the philosophers. Or not.)

 Perhaps I'm over-thinking our pottery just a wee bit...but then again, maybe not.

Will The Real Jenn Please Stand Up?

Something pretty cool happened about 24 hours ago, right after I finally got to see Sex and the City 2 (although I can't imagine it had anything to do with the film - I really think it was the talk I had with my friend on the way back home). I've got some really great opportunities in front of me right now and am surrounded by a great cheering squad, but I'd been plagued with my very typical self-doubt for days.

I've got the kind of support most people crave and if I allow myself, I could really blossom. The only problem, and it's been a big one, is my own psyche. I've got the old tapes playing about how I'm not really smart enough or good enough...and if anyone knew the truth about me, they wouldn't like me anymore. Yet...at some point late yesterday evening, I realized that the voice I've been hearing in my head isn't really me. I'm not sure why it happened, but I felt the "real" Jennifer come out of the shadows and she was strong and determined and even (dare I say it??) ambitious. I literally felt as if she was looking at me with raised eyebrows, waiting to see if I was going to take a chance on a new and better life.

The old, familiar personality (too sweet for her own good, self-deprecating, not wanting to look better than anyone else) tried to push Real Jennifer back down - but for once I made a conscious decision to keep the stronger one out in the open. I figured, what the heck? I'll live with her for a while and see how it goes.

Here's an interesting fact...it takes A LOT of effort to keep Real Jennifer around because habits are comfortable and comforting - but it's worth it. I worked so hard at letting her take the lead today that I felt as if I'd run a marathon by the end of the day. I could barely stay awake and crashed on the couch for an hour once I got home from work. And yet, I can already tell that it's a new habit I want to keep. When she's out, I focus on what I'm thinking and what I want instead of what other people (presumably) want. That is just crazy talk (according to my traditional modus operandi) but it feels wonderful and I want to stick with it.

So I guess I've seen the person, the Real Jennifer, who can do some great things. That's the person I want to get to know over the next year.